i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
