Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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