i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
we made out on top of his cat.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
