how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
