i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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