whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
