i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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