they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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