In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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