He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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