I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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