Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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