he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
