do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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