no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
