I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
