I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
high people should be assigned attendants
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
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