I heard we made out
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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