she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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