He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
