its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
