i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
