I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
