he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
