I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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