I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
