I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
