So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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