btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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