so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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