what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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