Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
