at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
