They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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