We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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