u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
