well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
