So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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