That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
