So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
