Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
