Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i was born a porn star she said
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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