She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
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I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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