It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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