Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
