He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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