You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
