he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
My ass is underappreciated
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
