Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
