I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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