The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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