So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
