Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
