Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
