Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
