I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
