my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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