It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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