I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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