I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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