I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
