Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
