yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
