I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
