Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
