You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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