Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
