If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
