Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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