Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
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