I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
