so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I think i peed on brittanys purse
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
